Sanity Check Needed

[mrs_sweetpeach]

I don't have children but I fear one of my friends is being overly protective of her son. He's the only child she's likely to have and I get that he's extremely important to her. That being given, I have a question. Just in case parenthood makes a difference, I have divided the question, the first set of answers is for parents, the second for non-parents.

Edited after the first two responses:
What I'm looking for is the age at which a normal, healthy child should no longer have a baby monitor turned on in his/her bedroom. If never is a choice, feel free to leave a comment. I'll tally those by hand, later.

Edited again:
Upon further reflection, the question I want answered is "By what age should a baby monitor be removed from a child's room because if it isn't I will think the parent is a nut."

[Poll #1291613]

Comments

[johnridley.livejournal.com]

Not enough options. I am a parent and I don't see a pressing need to use a baby monitor. We had one for one kid, didn't for the next. Not a big deal one way or the other.

[mrs-sweetpeach.livejournal.com]

Damn. And I just found out you can't edit a poll after it's been posted. So much for fixing that typo or adding "Never" as an option.

Oh, and what I'm looking for is the age at which a normal, healthy child should no longer have a baby monitor turned on in his/her bedroom. Do you have an opinion on that aspect of my question?

[johnridley.livejournal.com]

Do you mean, "below what age does the child NEED a baby monitor on, for safety reasons" or "at what age should a child's need/desire for privacy override the parent's interest in spying on the kid"?

My answers, zero, and maybe 3 or 4. I don't think they're necessary for safety for a normal kid; if the kid has some kind of medical condition that may be necessary. I think as soon as the kid has anything that the parents could be spying on the kid about, they should probably give him space. I guess I can't care much about parents using technology to spy on their kids if the kids don't care either.

[mrs-sweetpeach.livejournal.com]

Well, actually, it's more along the lines of "at what age should the monitor be removed because if it isn't, I will think the parent is a nut."

[johnridley.livejournal.com]

Well, that's a more interesting question, I suppose. I don't think that with a normal kid there's really any reason to have a monitor past when the kid can get out of bed and come to the parent's room by himself, or at the latest, go to the bathroom by himself. That's probably 2 to 3 years old.

I don't know where to draw the "parents are nuts" line. It's absolutely got to be under the age of 10, for sure. I can't imagine needing one past 5, unless the kid has some issues (parental issues are another thing). I don't think you really NEED one past about 1.5 years old at the latest, and in fact I don't think you really NEED one at all, unless you have some situation like a big house and for some crazy reason you simply CAN'T have the baby sleeping near where the parents sleep. But in a big house, the crib could be right IN the parent's room; that seems like a great option to me.

We always had the crib within crying range of our bedroom, usually about 15 feet from our bed, and no closed doors between.

[mbcrui.livejournal.com]

"It depends" I never had a monitor (don't think they were invented) with the first, had one for a while with the second, and never had one with the 3rd. I do tend to keep the baby on the same floor that I'm on. And my mother was a firm believer (and I agree) that babies should get used to sleeping thru noise, like vacuum cleaners and phones ringing and people talking.

However, kids need a baby monitor as long as they need them. Some kids are really really good at getting into quiet trouble... therefore a monitor would be necessary at a later age. My little practice grandson likes to "cook". He managed to destroy $100 in groceries at his mother's house the other day by waking up before his mother and sneaking downstairs.

[mckrycek.livejournal.com]

Hmmm.
I have no children.
I do have a few nieces and nephews. One sister-in-law never did use a monitor (their house was qretty small when the kids were little.
The other... she used a monitor until the boys were, oh, about 3, I think. Until they were old enough to come get her if they had a problem.

[polly-b.livejournal.com]

I didn't use monitors with my grown kids - we used one with Rachel until she was six or seven months old but we weren't fanatical about it. *shrugs* I think using one after the age of 2 (or 3 at the most) is pushing it, but I could see, if my master bedroom was on one side of the house and the kid's room was on the other, and it was a big house, where it could be a comfort.

[min8ive.livejournal.com]

When they're old enough to fetch you on their own, you probably don't need it anymore. Of course, even that's not hard and fast, because when our youngest wakes up in the middle of the night, he forgets that he can come in to us. He just cries until we get him. And since we sleep with a white noise machine that can be a loooong time without the monitor.

As for my older son, one day I just realized it'd been a long time since he woke up at night. I have no idea how old he was. Three, maybe?

[ahavia.livejournal.com]

Once a child can get out of bed and come into the parent's bedroom, a baby monitor is worthless. Which would be around 2.
When my daughter was very tiny, she slept in the bed with us. I know, that is supposed to be dangerous but she was safe laying between 2 large breasted women. And when she was in the crib and cried, one did not need a monitor. She wanted her Mommies and bottle and to be held.
Ahavia

[mrs-sweetpeach.livejournal.com]

From what I've noticed among my friends, babies who sleep between their parents are both happy and safe. Babies have surprisingly strong legs and are good at kicking when they feel smooshed. There are days I'm convinced that the vast majority of our society's efforts to 'protect' children from all dangers result in children who are incapable of growing up to to become strong, confident, and capable adults.

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to pipe in the point of view of an "oldster". We didn't have monitors when our kids were small and somehow we all survived. *g*

I also walked twelve miles to school, uphill both ways. Heh heh.

Funnily enough, our daughter and I were talking about this just today. The only reason they have one is because Benjamin sleeps in their bed and he's crawling now. They watch TV in the family room in the basement after he goes to bed, and they wouldn't hear a thing if he got up and fell off the bed.

[lolabobs.livejournal.com]

Of course, my query is how old is your friend's son and is she a nut?!!

[mrs-sweetpeach.livejournal.com]

I believe he's in 2nd or 3rd grade. My conclusion is that, just as I feared, she *is* a nut where her son is concerned.

[wadjet-theperv.livejournal.com]

I said between three and four, but I don't think either of ours had one after three. Once they were in a bed (or able to climb out of the crib!) and could come get us, we figured they were fine. It was mostly there for the whole cot death thing so we could make sure they were still breathing! The walls in our house were stone though, and it was quite hard to hear what was going on upstairs when we were downstairs.

I think it depends on the situation in the home, but I certainly wouldn't have bothered after they went to kindergarten.

[only4severus.livejournal.com]

When my kids were babies, I had none, as I did not see the point at all, but IF you really need to, it would not stay in longer than a year.

I think if you are an attentive parent, there's no need for those gadgets. (or so I think)Maybe it is just me, but I feel people are overreacting a bit, compared to like ten or more years ago there are so many things (new) parents HAVE to do, while my daughters (now 15 and nearly 17) grew up well too, and are never ill or anything. Maybe it is time for people to get more realistic and do what they need to: raise their kids with love!

[peach1250.livejournal.com]

Having reared my children when these weren't available I feel like they are only needed if your house is so big you can't hear them from some part of it. I'm deaf in one ear but I always heard my children.